Pressing On
by Call It Hope
Summary: It's the Marauders' last year, and they have some work to do. James still has to make Lily fall in love with him, Remus discovers and struggles with his own romance, and Sirius and Peter deal with-well, more serious problems. Things don't always work out quite in the way they expect, but as long as the classic quartet stays together, nothing can really hurt them. Reviews welcome!
1. Chapter 1

James's POV

"Lily, Lily, Lily, Lily, Lily—OW!" I exclaimed furiously, rubbing my head where Sirius had lobbed a bezoar at it. "What'd you do that for?!"

He raised in eyebrows innocently and shrugged, denying all knowledge of the projectile. Beside him, Peter was stifling giggles. I glanced at Remus, who was my Potions partner for the day, and he smiled.

"I would guess that it had something to do with your invoking the name of Lily far too many times for any normal person to consider it anything but annoying."

I sighed. Was it my fault that Evans hadn't responded to any of my manifold attractions? No. And if I sought refuge in singing her name to myself, did that entitle Sirius to attack me from behind? Extra no. With a side of pickles.

Slughorn peeped over the edge of my and Remus's cauldron.

" _Excellent!_ My dear Remus, you have outdone yourself!" he exclaimed, patting my partner on the shoulder before drifting off to admire someone else's concoction. I stared disbelievingly at his back before flinging my arms out in vexation, accidentally knocking over Sirius's cauldron as I did so. As he and Peter leapt out of the way of the scalding contents of their cauldron, I turned to Remus.

"Am I invisible, Moony?" I demanded. He gave me one of his…looks.

"I think you've done all you can in the past five minutes to prove that you aren't."

I grinned.

"Thank you for acknowledging me, Moony—it means a lot."

"Thank you for acknowledging that I was acknowledging you."

"Will you two stop _flirting_ and _help us_?!" Sirius yelped as a blob of the stuff exploded and covered him and Peter in orange goo. I glanced at them and scoffed.

"I'm pretty sure no one can help you when your potion looks like that," I informed him, watching Peter fall face-forward into a large glob on the floor. "Even _I_ know it isn't supposed to be that color."

"Wow, Black," came a voice from behind me, "you know you've reached an all-time low when Potter knows something you don't."

I whirled around, but Evans had already left, her lavender-vanilla scent lingering behind. I watched as she walked back to the table she shared with Marlene McKinnon. Oh, woe—Oh, woe was me. Did the Fates seek to crush me with their—Merlin's saggy left bum cheek, did she just _smile_ at me?!

My hand instinctively raised to my hair to try and tone down the mess that was up there. She had definitely smiled. It was just a small grin, almost to herself, but it was definitely a new development. One that I actually liked this time. And now she was kind of sort of blushing!

"Moony," I hissed as we left the room, as per Slughorn's instructions to 'please take Black and Pettigrew to the hospital wing, since they clearly can't do anything for themselves.' "Psst. Moony."

"Prongs," Sirius said through a mouthful of tentacles that had apparently sprouted due to the potion coming in contact with his skin, "you don't have to be furtive about it. We all saw Evans smile. Also, we are no longer in the classroom."

Well, that's what he said he said—we couldn't really understand him then. It was only later that he was able to tell us how he'd been right all along. As per usual.

"Are you about to tell me that Lily smiled at you?" Remus asked wearily as he tried to stop Peter from picking at the bulbous blisters that were budding all over his face. I gulped some air before nodding. This was a huge deal. This was a huge deal. This was A HUGE DEAL.

"It's not a big deal, Prongs." What. "She was probably just laughing at your expense."

"But—no, it wasn't—it wasn't _that_ kind of Evans smile!" I protested as we entered the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey came bustling by us.

"Mr. Black, Mr. Pettigrew, find a bed—you'll be staying the night. Mr. Potter—" She sighed. "Find another girl."

I stared in outraged silence at the nurse as she continued to hover around all the sickly students in her ward. Remus patted my shoulder.

"Relax, mate. She's right. You just need a change of scenery."

"I can't just take a break from Hogwarts, Remus!" I scoffed as we walked the path to the Great Hall for dinner. Remus rolled his eyes.

"I kind of meant scenery in a metaphorical way. Like, you need to be around different girls."

"Oh." Different girls. Hmm. "Would that make Lily jealous?"

"Um, I'm not sure. Probably not. I meant that you should get a girlfriend or something. You can't just chase after Lily forever."

I gave a small sigh. I didn't want to admit it, but he was absolutely right. A small smile flickered on my lips.

One day, Lily Evans would chase me back.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus's POV

There was a quiet aura of excitement in the Great Hall that night. It was magnified by the fact that no one seemed to understand the general restlessness of the student body or why all the teachers had those ill-hidden grimaces on their faces. James was getting a bit anxious (and annoying) about it.

"Where's Dumbledore? I really want to eat. I don't understand what's taking them so long. I wonder how Pete and Sirius are doing. Is my hair too messy?"

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

"Okay."

I knew it wasn't his fault that he babbled when he got anxious. He was just the type to get talkative in high-pressure situations. Merlin's wizened hands, he was annoying during duels. Frankly, that's probably how he won most of them. And now, he was letting out energy, by using his knife and fork as drumsticks. Brilliant.

Finally, Dumbledore appeared at the podium.

"As I am sure you all know, these are troubled times. Last night, there was an attack right outside our walls." Cue the feverish, terrified whispering of the student body. "Two Muggleborn store proprietors in Hogsmeade were killed, and several bystanders were severely injured." Remus couldn't help but glance over at the Slytherin table, where he saw mixed reactions to this news, including no reaction at all. Some seemed vaguely pleased, others looked absolutely horrified, and still others had an almost skittish, fearful look as they glanced around the Great Hall. Remus couldn't blame them—it couldn't be easy being a member of the house from which over half the Death Eater population was coming, especially if they were absolutely not affiliated with that demographic. Suddenly, he felt someone's gaze on him, and he unfocused on the Slytherins and re-focused on the Hufflepuff table, where he saw Emma Holloway looking at him with concern. He raised an eyebrow at her before turning his attention back to Dumbledore's speech. "…those of us who know muggleborns or...anyone who fails to fit into the pureblood norm society must be on our guard for their sakes." Remus felt himself flush red. So that was it. Well, he didn't need Emma Holloway's pity, and he didn't want it, either. It still bugged him that he had told her that night. About him. As a volunteer Healer in the ward, she was there at his weakest, when even the Marauders couldn't get access to him. She gave her nights to help other people, and on nights when he was there, she stayed by his side almost all night. They talked a lot. She wasn't the same as most Hufflepuffs, who seemed like quite a cheerful bunch in general. She felt things. She knew things. He hadn't met anyone who was equally so well-informed and so easy to talk to. Lily was smart, but Lily got angry very quickly when there was any sort of debate. She couldn't be wrong. Emma wasn't like that. He remembered the night that they had spent talking about rights for non-wizards. She had listened to his piece and then sat there and thought about it, and then she had calmly told him about her dad and how he had always drilled into her the danger of creatures like werewolves—but that Remus's version made more sense. Remus thought suddenly of his own father, and his stomach dropped.

Suddenly, James elbowed him in the side, and Remus realized that he was the sole Gryffindor not erupting in applause. He glanced to see whether Emma had noticed that, and he saw that her lips were quirked into a sly smirk. They made eye contact, and the smirk turned into a fully-fledged smile. Remus looked away but couldn't help but smile to himself. Maybe it hadn't been pity after all—only worry.

"Where were you off to in your little dream world?" James demanded as food appeared on the platters in front of them. Remus shrugged, but he glanced once more over to the Hufflepuff table, where Emma had her head bowed over clasped hands for a moment before reaching over to grab a bun out of a basket.

"Just thinking about all that's happened. You know. With this dark arts trend."

"You smiled," James pointed out with a slight quirk in one of his brows. Remus was conscious of a sudden desire to squirm, but he knew that that would only make James more suspicious of something that wasn't there. So he just shrugged again.

"I was thinking about how nice it will be when it all ends."

" _If_ it ends."

Both James and Remus stared at Lily, who had scoffed the last comment, almost to herself.

"Did you say something, Evans?" James asked as if he couldn't believe that she had contributed to a conversation of which he was a key part. Her cheeks bloomed with red, but Remus admired the way that her eyes sparkled as though meeting a challenge.

"I suggested that this 'trend,' as Remus calls it, is not going to end."

Remus watched as James struggled with himself, and he wondered which James would show itself in this conversation. Remus tried not to laugh as Lily's eyebrows knitted together at the sight of James's face contorting so. Finally, James sighed.

"You could be right, Evans." Lily, who had been in the process of swallowing a piece of bread, started choking. Mary McDonald, who happened to be sitting next to her at the time, thumped her back until she was able to swallow. James continued as though nothing had happened. "The Death Eaters have found a value that many of the Wizarding World's most elite and most powerful families hold dear. I think it could be a while before we see any end to this, if for no other reason than that the Pureblood mania has staying power."

Now Remus watched Lily battle with herself over how to reply to his reply to her comment. This, he thought to himself as he carefully chewed some steak, was really turning in to a fascinating dinner. He glanced again over to the Hufflepuff table. She was shaking her head with a smile at something that Amos Diggory had said to her, but once Diggory's head was turned, she scowled. Then her eyes met Remus's, and she casually and inconspicuously flipped him off. Remus grinned and returned it.

"Remus, what the hell are you doing?" James asked him bluntly, jarring him back into the Gryffindor table. Both he and Lily were staring at Remus incredulously. Remus's face grew warm, and he had a feeling that Emma Holloway was over at the Hufflepuff table laughing her ass off at his misfortune.

"Um…nothing." He cracked his knuckles and cleared his throat. "I…uh…just some weird muscle tick."

"You were _smiling_!"

"I was thinking about something else!" Remus defended himself. Lily leaned his way to try and see what direction he was looking in.

"He must have been looking at someone, Potter—only explanation. Who can he see from here?" she said brusquely but with a laughing smile directed at the two boys. Remus rolled his eyes as he saw that James was bowled over by Lily's smile, and he shook his head.

"No, that's not true—I was just daydreaming, okay? I wasn't—"

"Hmm…I can see Xeno Lovegood, Sybil Trelawney," James sent a ruthless grin at Remus. "Having visions of Sybil in your teacup lately?"

"THAT WAS ONE TIME, AND YOU _KNOW_ I THINK SHE CHARMED THAT TEA CUP!" Remus almost bellowed at James. The Great Hall was too loud to let it stand out, but he saw that James was amused by this none the less.

" _Oh_!" Lily suddenly squeaked. Remus turned to look at her and saw that she had a very thoughtful look on her face.

"Got something, Lils?" James asked her breezily. Lily was about to reply when something snapped in her green eyes, and she sniffed.

"It's none of your business if I do, _Potter_ ," she said before standing up and moving down a few seats away from Remus and James. They both watched her go, but only Remus caught the meaning in the glance she threw over her shoulder at him.

"What did I do this time, Moony?" James asked mournfully, pushing his plate out of the way so his head could rest on the table.

"I couldn't tell you, Prongs." Remus sighed as he glanced back over to the girl at the Hufflepuff table. "I couldn't tell you."


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius's POV:

"Ey, Pomfrey," Sirius drawled, a sly smile flickering across his lips as he fished a cigarette out of his pocket, "Got a light?"

"Mr. Black!" shrieked the young matron, nearly vaulting over the nearest hospital bed to snatch the cigarette out of his hands. "How _dare_ you? Have you _no_ regard for the wellbeing of yourself or others?"

Without flinching, Sirius drew out his cigarette box and carefully chose another under Madam Pomfrey's fuming eye. He reached for his wand, but she was there first, snatching that away from him, too.

"A little smoke never hurt anyone," he said imperturbably. Madam Pomfrey flew into a rage, citing studies and Healers and statistics until he thought his brain was going to explode. "Alright. Alright, you win—Here, have the damned thing. It isn't worth all that." Then, he sent her another wicked smile. "I need reforming, Poppy—desperately. Good girl like you could do that in no time." And then he winked.

He expected her to flame up, tell him that he was being immature, disgusting and inappropriate. It wasn't anything he hadn't heard before. But what he was not expecting was to see her pause and think about what he had said. Sure, his admiration for her looks was true enough, and he wouldn't mind the reformation efforts that he'd had in mind with his comment—but he didn't think he could handle a shrew like her for very long. Was she _seriously_ considering this?

She walked away without saying anything else, cigarette in one hand and Sirius's wand in another. He shrugged. Oh, well. At least she'd stopped shouting.

"Oi, Pete—light this for me, will you?" Sirius asked, turning to Peter, who was sitting glumly on his bed, a few tentacles and boils still present at his temples and neck. Peter obliged almost without thinking.

Sirius took a long drag of the cigarette and grimaced. That was it. That was it.

"How can you stand those?" he heard Peter demand from what seemed like a great distance. Sirius laughed.

"I just like 'em."

And Peter shut up, probably wondering whether he should ask for one and try to smoke, too. As Sirius blew out an impressive smoke ring, he wondered whether he should offer one. In the end he decided no. It was bad enough that he had himself become hooked on them. He didn't want that for Peter, too. It wouldn't be worth whatever pride it gave him.

"How many days until the full moon, Pete?"

Peter scrunched up his face for a moment before saying uncertainly,

"Just five, I think."

Sirius grinned at him.

"Excellent."

"Moony's been a little snappy lately, hasn't he."

Sirius was aware of a vague feeling of annoyance.

"Merlin, Pete, he's in pain—I'd like to see you pull off a transformation with half Moony's patience. You'd be snapping _and_ whining the whole damn time!" he growled at Peter. Peter cowered. Well, not exactly, but his face made it seem like he did. Pathetic. Really pathetic sometimes. Sirius was about to continue his lecture when the doors to the hospital wing burst open, and James ran in, not too closely followed by Remus. They ignored Madam Pomfrey's exclamation that visiting hours were over and strode over to Sirius's bed.

" _Finally_. Where have you two been? Dinner's been over for hours."

"James wanted to ask Lily out again. I had to talk him out of it," Remus said wearily. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"This again? Look, Jamesie, I get it. I do. Evans has a nice ass, and she's a firecracker. Lots of fun to be had there. But she's not ever going to let _you_ have any fun."

"That's exactly what Remus said, but let me tell you both—you are _wrong_."

"'Exactly what Remus said', eh?" Sirius said with a grin. "Been looking at Evans's ass lately, Moony?"

He got a kick out of watching Remus flounder for an answer for a moment before he finally came up with one.

"Lily _is_ very beautiful, but there are far more important things than her body. Merlin, Padfoot, don't objectify her—Lily would _kill_ you if she knew, and-and to be quite frank, I'm not best pleased with that summation of her charms either."

"Oh, poor Moony, going red over Lily, too? Prongs, I think you have competition!"

"Excuse me." It was one of the Hospital Wing's volunteers. "Madam Pomfrey says visiting hours are over, and you two have to leave."

"Might want to get something for that blush, Moony—looks like it's getting even worse!" Sirius called as Remus and James walked out the doors. Then he turned to the volunteer who was still lingering at his bedside, a vaguely disapproving look etched onto her features. "Can I help you?"

"I was just wondering why you think it's okay to smoke in a hospital wing."

"Calm down, darling. I'm only hurting myself."

"That's not quite true, but as you insist on being truculent, I have a feeling explaining it to you won't help. You leave me no alternative." Before Sirius could politely tell her to mind her own damn business, the girl was pointing her wand at him and saying calmly, " _Accio_ cigarettes."

And there went every single cigarette he currently possessed. Sirius fought to keep control of his anger. Where did she get off taking something that wasn't hers? She wasn't a teacher, she wasn't the head nurse, she wasn't even the caretaker—no confiscation rights. But there she was, holding _his_ cigarette box in _her_ hand, standing there as cool as you please with just the hint of a smile on her lips.

"I don't like you," he said finally, trying to growl but letting it come out as more of a whine. She shrugged.

"That's okay. I'm fairly neutral towards you myself."

Sirius heard Peter say something to him, but all he could do was stare at the girl who oh so casually dropped his cigarettes out of the Hospital Wing window and then look at his hands, which were trembling.

He reached into his pocket and grabbed the two-way mirror.

"James Potter, I swear to Merlin, if you don't answer this, I will break it!" he barked at the glass.

"Yeesh, Padfoot," James sighed as his face came into focus. "Dial back on the violence, alright?"

"I need another pack of smokes."

"Thought you were on your last one."

"Yeah, _she took them from me._ "

The picture blurred for a moment before being replaced by Remus's face.

"Who took them?"

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"I dunno, some girl in the Hospital Wing."

"Well, what'd she look like?"

" _Does it matter?!_ " Sirius whisper-screamed, looking furtively over towards the group of Healers huddled around one of the beds. He let out a deep breath. "Look, I just need more. There's a shop in Hogsmeade that sells them for cheap—that Muggle artifacts store. Just ask for my—Sirius Black's—brand, and the guy will know what to give you."

"I dunno," said James, who had apparently succeeded in wresting the mirror from Remus's hands. "I mean, I'd do anything for you, mate, but wouldn't it be better just to give 'em up?"

It took all of Sirius's willpower not to blow up at James then and there.

"Ah, yes, one night in the Hospital Wing ought to cure Sirius of his smoking habit. Because that's how it works, isn't it, Prongs? Addictions are so easy to get rid of, right?" he snapped. He heard Peter murmur something about Moony not being the only grouch at the moment. "Shut up, Wormtail. Just—James, just get them. I promise I'll smoke them near an open window here, if that will make you feel any better about the other patients' health."

"Fine," James grumbled. "Moony, to the map!"

And just like that, he was gone.

"He'd better be here soon," Sirius muttered, sinking back into the too-soft pillows on his bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Peter's POV

Peter stared up at the ceiling of the Hospital Wing as the blinding light of early morning pierced the open window between his and Sirius's beds. He hadn't slept all night. James and Remus had snuck in, given Sirius his cigarettes, Sirius had opened the window and smoked, James and Remus had stayed for as long as he was awake and then left. It had all happened right in front of him, but he couldn't recall having any part in the proceedings. He wasn't even sure that either Remus or James had said goodnight to him. That had been happening a lot lately. Or perhaps he was only just starting to notice it.

"Mr. Pettigrew, you are free to go! Mr. Black, stay behind a moment—there's something I want to talk to you about," Madam Pomfrey called from her office.

Peter got out of bed slowly and put on his school robes. Sirius was talking to him—or possibly at him. He didn't pay attention. He had been feeling so tired lately. Nothing was really interesting anymore. What was the use of being a Marauder if you couldn't have fun?

"Hey, guys," he said blankly as he sat down next to James and Remus in the Great Hall. James smiled at him.

"Hey, Pete. Feeling better?"

Peter smiled back. Merlin, he could be paranoid sometimes. Look, James was being perfectly friendly—there was nothing wrong, he was just—

"Where's Sirius?" Remus asked curiously before taking a swig of pumpkin juice. Peter scowled.

"Back with Pomfrey. She wanted to keep him back for some reason."

James and Remus exchanged looks, and Peter felt somehow out of the loop, though there was no loop to be out of.

"Wonder why. Listen, do either of you fancy skipping Charms today?" James asked, his eyes glinting with mischief.

Peter was about to enthusiastically reply with a resounding yes when Remus scoffed.

"You're going to miss Charms? _Charms_ , Prongs? Lily's favorite class?"

James shrugged.

"Look, maybe I don't care about what Evans thinks anymore—" Here, Remus rolled his eyes. "—plus, Flitwick is the most laidback teacher. Who knows—if he gives me detention, I might even get one with Lily as supervisor."

"And _there_ it is," Remus sighed, throwing Peter an exasperated smile. Peter grinned back, but said,

"I'll go with you—what are we going to do?"

James leaned forward eagerly.

"Not sure yet—really just liked the idea of skiving class. Any ideas?"

"Well, I think we've let McGonagall off the hook for a while," Peter suggested cautiously. James grinned.

" _Yes_. Minnie is always the best target." Then, his smile faltered. "But we can't do that without Sirius. You know how he regards Minerva McGonagall as his own personal pranking property."

Peter was about to argue that the professor was no one's pranking property, when a voice from behind him said,

"Lovely alliteration. But take care to remember that pranking professors is particularly prohibited, Potter."

And just like that, Lily was gone, her wavy red hair bouncing against her back as she walked past them to a seat next to Marlene McKinnon. Peter turned back to James to see him staring after the girl with his mouth wide open and his eyes dull and glassy.

"Er…James?"

"Yea—wha?"

Peter and Remus rolled their eyes in sync.

"We still pranking McGonagall during Charms?" Peter asked as James became aware of his surroundings once more.

"Oh, er…no—not now that Evans knows that our intended target is Minnie. How about Slughorn?"

"But we got him last week! It doesn't matter that Lily knows—she won't—" Peter began to argue.

"Oi, budge up, Prongs," Sirius interrupted Peter as he came up to the table. "I'm bloody starving."

"Padfoot!" James exclaimed with much more excitement, Peter noticed indignantly, than he had previously exhibited in the conversation.

"That's my name, ain't it?" Sirius grabbed a piece of toast and a few sausages from the platters in front of them and stuffed them into his mouth. "Pomfrey's an absolute nutter."

"Yeah?" James said cautiously, gazing with a mixture of respect and revulsion at his friend. Peter was not surprised that the subject of a fun prank had been so easily thrown aside. Sirius seemed to dictate how each conversation went, and it generally focused on Sirius.

"Wants me to start some sort of twelve-step program. Says I smoke too much," Sirius said through a mouthful of food.

"She's not wrong," Remus pointed out, sending Peter a tired but amused grin as he did. Peter grinned back. At least Remus made an effort to make him feel part of something. Sirius shrugged.

"You going to do it?" James asked. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"You think I have a choice? Merlin, Pete, did you eat all the bacon _again_?"

Peter's face flushed, and he floundered for a reply.

"I didn't—that's not—I—"

"He didn't even eat bacon this morning, Padfoot," Remus sighed, reaching over and picking up a platter of bacon from near the seventh-year girls and handing it to Sirius. "I was in the mood for meat. I think I ate all of it. Sorry."

"Oh—ah, thanks, Moony. And don't worry about it—plenty of bacon here," Sirius said hastily. Peter knew that the change of heart had a lot to do with the evident effects of the moon on Moony and Sirius' disinclination to add to those troubles, but even so, he couldn't help but feel a pang of injustice.

"Remus," James said carefully, peering down towards the Gryffindor girls. Remus quirked an eyebrow in response, not looking up from the book he had unearthed from his bag. "I think Macdonald likes you."

Peter grinned as Remus nearly fell off the bench.

"What—how—" he stammered, his face blood red.

"She totally glanced up and very clearly _giggled_ when you got the bacon," James stated matter-of-factly as he helped himself to more potatoes.

"Aw…Remmy's got a girlfriend!" Sirius cooed.

"Macdonald's a nice catch, Moony," Peter said, feeling a tiny bit envious of his friend. Mary Macdonald was a very pretty little witch—not the flamboyant style of Lily or the almost-regally intimidating appeal of Marlene McKinnon, but still. He had been flirting with her for a few months now. He'd have thought that at the very least, she would have refrained from giving her attentions to someone else.

"Mary MacDonald is no more in love with me than the moon is made of cheese," Remus said calmly, apparently having overcome his initial embarrassment and surprise.

"Oh, and how do you know?!" Sirius demanded scornfully. Remus crammed his book away in his bag and stood to leave.

"Because if she was, she would have told Lily, and Lily would have immediately begun hatching matchmaking schemes and constantly thrown us together. Considering that that has yet to come to pass, I can go off to Defense, comfortable in the certainty that my days as a carefree bachelor are not, in fact, numbered."

Peter watched Remus leave the Great Hall while Sirius and James began dreaming up Remus's future with Mary MacDonald. Peter's face was quite thoughtful. If Mary had not been giggling at Remus, who had she had her eyes on?


	5. Chapter 5

James couldn't have cared less what Professor Binns was droning on about in History of Magic. As Sirius snored beside him, James was reading the Daily Prophet, not even bothering to be covert about it.

There was an article about how Harold Minchum had ordered for even more Dementors to be sent to Azkaban to stop break-outs and somehow—though the article was vague about this, to put it generously—to prevent Voldemort's rise to power.

He crumpled up the paper with an exasperated sigh. Why were they even here, learning about goblin rebellions or troll uprisings or whatever Binns was lecturing on? They should be learning really _useful_ stuff. This Death Eater business was not going to solve itself, and no number of extra Dementors would affect the outcome either. Just yesterday, he'd been feeling cheerful. Just yesterday, he'd been all hopeful about Lily and their future together. Well, in the cold light of a new day, all he could think about was how little hope of a future they had if their preparation was learning about—he listened for a moment to what Binns was saying—previous Minsters of Magic.

He glanced over at Lily. Even she was obviously finding it difficult to pay any attention to the professor—that hand movement she was doing was certainly more reminiscent of flower doodles than of notes. Hardly even considering whether it was a good idea, he ripped off some parchment and jotted down " _Alright, Evans?_ " before tossing it across the row to her desk. She glanced down at it, and he saw her head gently shake as though she was thinking, "that idiot Potter." Definitely in a fond way. Probably. Hopefully.

He could hardly believe when she returned it with a reply. She had drawn a small cartoon of her telling a cartoon James to go pluck a Hippogriff's tail feathers. James was delighted. Obviously, he had to reply.

" _Cute, but I was serious—you aren't your usual note-taking, question-asking self. Something wrong?_ "

He tossed the note back to her. This time, she turned and gave him a reproving glare before opening it. But, he reminded himself with a little smug smirk, she _had_ opened it. When it returned to him, nearly poking out one of his eyes, he could hardly unfold it quickly enough.

" _You read the Prophet, Potter. What do you think?_ "

" _Minchum's paltry efforts to respond to the Death Eaters?_ "

It didn't take her as long to read and respond this time.

" _Yeah. 'Taking a hardline,' my arse._ "

He grinned.

" _Language, Evans…But I am completely on your side. Extra security on Azkaban doesn't really mean anything if you aren't catching criminals. Beef up the Auror program, find the sources of recruitment for the Dark, research means of defeating Dark magic—lots of other possible courses of action, eh?_ "

He watched her closely as she read this one. She was still for several moments after she finished. Merlin, what he would have given to know what was going through her mind in those moments.

" _Your perspicacity is surprising, Potter. Your parents must be nice. (I'm assuming you're parroting back their opinions.) That, or you've been having late-night, in-depth talks with Remus lately._ "

" _Hang on. Why is it so impossible to believe that I could come up with these ideas on my own? I mean, I won't deny that I have been formed by my environment, which obviously includes listening to my parents and midnight gossip sessions with Remmy, but I have my own brain, Evans. Am I immature and reckless? Yeah, sure—otherwise, life would be a complete bore. But am I stupid? Oh, no. Ask McGonagall for my grade on my last practical exam. Ask Flitwick how I do in his class. Ask any of my teachers! You can't deny that I'm intelligent._ "

She didn't reply, but James could have sworn that she slipped the note into the pocket of her robes as the class dispersed for lunch. He watched as she threw her books into her bag with less than her usual care and as she ducked out of the room without so much as a backwards glance.

James sighed. It would have been better just to continue the political discussion and ignore her taunt. Somehow, politics was a safer and less volatile subject for the two of them than the possibility of him having any positive personality traits.

"Wazzz 'appening?" Sirius slurred, lifting his head from the piece of parchment with lines of writing smudged all over his face. James patted his head.

"Nothing new, Pads. Go back to sleep."


	6. Chapter 6

Remus's POV

"Hey, Remus. See you later tonight." Remus looked up in confusion, his mouth hanging open slightly as though he were about to contradict this statement, but then he saw that it was Emma who was now walking away from him. He heard one of her friends shriek and ask her what she and Remus were going to be doing later that night, and he also heard her dry answer of, "Hot, passionate sex."

He choked on the tea he had been sipping, and as soon as he began severely coughing, he saw Emma throw him a mischievous grin that told him that she knew exactly what had happened.

"You alright, Moons?" James asked as he slid into the seat next to him. He nodded, still coughing—tears now streaming down his face—and Lily leaned around him to tell James,

"He heard someone make a joke about sex."

"Ah, well, milady Moonbeam has always been a bit of a _prude_. I remember once when he walked in on _quite_ a compromising situation with one of Sirius's—uh—lady friends, and—"

" _Don't_ ," Remus croaked, dead set against James revealing any of his embarrassing moments to anyone outside of the Marauders. But James was still going.

"And he just threw up right then and there! Merlin, we were scourgifying for _hours_ at least! I think saying that it killed the mood for Sirius and his friend would be an understatement."

Remus silently fumed. James wasn't being fair. He _knew_ that he had only thrown up because it had also been the night before the full moon. The surprise of the moment (honestly, Sirius _could_ have at the very least put a sock on the door!) had made him forget to consciously keep down the food that had been working its way up since it had originally gone down, and out it all came. It had been horrifying. He didn't think Hestia would ever forgive him. Whenever she saw him now—out of school, since she'd graduated a couple years ago—she would immediately flinch and crinkle her nose as though looking at a particularly disgusting worm.

"Well, to be fair, Potter, I'm not sure whether that was the sex or Remus's feminist slant which makes him at least a little bit sick whenever he sees girls fall for Sirius's…charlatanism."

"I'm not a complete misogynist, Evans," Sirius argued, inserting himself between James and Remus by physically pushing James out of the way. As Sirius and Lily got into a heated debate over whether Sirius had any respect for women, Remus tried to tune them out, hoping that ignoring them would also help him ignore the mounting headache he was experiencing, that pounding pounding throbbing pain. When it didn't, he quickly slid off the bench and murmured something about a headache before rushing off to the hospital wing, knowing that this was just the beginning of progressively worsening symptoms and that it would be wisest to just go ahead and put himself into Madam Pomfrey's able hands.

"Remus?" What was that word—sweet-sounding, flowing with honey? Mellifluous. Her voice was mellifluous. It was like a balm to at least some of his pain. "Remus, do you want some help getting to the Wing?"

He shook his head. He didn't want to rely on anyone, least of all her. But he couldn't speak. If he did, he was sure that more than words would escape his lips.

"Well, I'll just walk with you, then!" She sounded cheerful. She must be worried. He almost smiled at that. His heart was racing now—not an unusual phenomenon around the full moon, but he had never felt it quite so strongly. He could hardly see anymore, he tripped—nearly fell. He felt her hand take his, felt her guide him to on his way. She whispered little affirmations to him. "Nearly there, Rem." "You're doing great." "Just a few more steps." Until finally, Remus found himself being gently shoved into a bed. He heard people talking—undoubtedly Pomfrey and Emma—and he tried to focus on Emma's voice, as it was the one that most comforted him.

"One of us can carry him to the Shack tonight," she was arguing earnestly. "You can't seriously expect him to walk all that way." The other voice said something, but he couldn't focus on it.

"He's in _so much pain_ ," Emma was practically sobbing now. " _Please_ just let me levitate him down there." There was a period of silence before Madam Pomfrey said something in a low voice. From the ripping gasp Emma gave, he could only assume it was an insult. "I—no. I—am _not_. No. I care about _all_ our patients. This patient happens to be in a lot of pain, and I see that, and I want to help, and _don't_ keep me away from treating him— _please_."

The next thing Remus knew, he was lying on his back in the cold light of morning that leaked in through the cracks in the Shrieking Shack's less than to-code walls. His body ached, and as he gradually overcame the initial morning bewilderment, he could feel that he had been harsher on himself than usual. He wondered what the wolf had wanted that he had been unable to give it. The Marauders had covered him in a blanket before they had left, and they had left him some clothes to put on. But he couldn't get to them. Every bone in his body rebelled against him, and all of his muscles seemed to be aching and cramping and having spasms all at once. He let out a low moan which echoed off of some parts of the walls and bled through the cracks.

There was a small knock on the door. Remus stared at it in astonishment. No one had ever knocked. James and Sirius were incapable of basic courtesy, and Madam Pomfrey simply didn't care whether or not he was warned of her entrance. The door opened slightly, and Emma peeked her head around the corner.

"Decent?" she asked with a slight smirk. He tried to smile, but couldn't. She hurried over to him and immediately began attending to the more urgent wounds. "Pomfrey sent me down to help you. There was a slight outbreak of misfired hexes in the Ravenclaw common room—some firsties trying to be cool, I would imagine—and she had her hands full with that."

His mouth and throat were too dry to respond, but he was glad just to have someone talking to him. There was silence for a few moments.

"I think she's beginning to really trust me, you know," Emma continued. A wry smile curled up on her lips. "And that was her first mistake." Remus gave a slight chuckle at that. "This is the first time she's ever let me come down to help you—even though I've offered before. Maybe she was worried that I would be distracted by your naked body, but here I am, and look at you—all covered up with a blanket. _Very_ appropriate. Drink this." She waited for him to drink the potion before she started talking again. After drinking it, he immediately felt some of the pain ebb away. "You look worse than usual. Is that just because Pomfrey usually mends you a lot before you come back to the Wing, or was it a bad night?"

"Bad night," Remus said, his voice cracking. He was surprised that she had noticed. Pomfrey never really noticed whether or not he was better or worse. She just treated him for whatever he had, and that was that. Emma nodded.

"Well, do you want to go back now? I think you can get up."

"Yeah, er—do you suppose…" Remus glanced at the pile of clothes on the bed longingly. He had always felt that it was the height of indignity to be forced to walk all the way to the Hospital Wing with absolutely nothing but a thin sheet or blanket, and he didn't want to repeat that.

"Oh! Yeah, I can definitely help you with that!" Emma said after a moment. Remus had thought that he knew embarrassment well—intimately, even—but this, he couldn't help but feel, was a new, all-time low. He didn't know how to tell her that he had meant that he wanted to get dressed himself, not that he wanted her help getting dressed. And so she began to help him. Her tactic of distracting chatter—which had been useful when she was inflicting pain on him through cleaning his wounds—was gone now. He realized, with a sinking heart, that she was every bit as embarrassed as he was.

She helped him walk over to the bed, where he sat, covering with the blanket what he wanted to remain covered for as long as possible. Her hands were warm and slightly sweaty as she helped him shrug into his school shirt, but the feel of her hands on his shoulders, neck, and eventually—after they realized that his fingers were too numb to button the buttons—his torso, was a welcome sensation. At once jarring and comforting. Once they finished with the shirt, they both looked silently at the underwear and trousers for a long moment before she said in a strangely low voice,

"I guess you'll have to shed the blanket now."

Remus nodded, but neither of them moved. They both just stared at the blanket. Remus thought suddenly that he completely understood why Pomfrey had never sent Emma before. It certainly wasn't a lack of trust. It was a frankly underappreciated insight into the working of their minds and relationship.

He took a deep breath of air before he slowly lifted the blanket from his legs. He didn't know whether she was looking at him or not. He just knew that his eyes were firmly planted on the floor and that they were going to stay that way. He felt her start to work on getting the rest of his clothes on.

"I know you're still weak, but can you just lean on me for a moment, so I can get these up further?" he heard her say once she reached a certain point. He obliged. She finished dressing him, and then they sat there, she on the floor and he on the bed, and stared at different corners of the grey, sullen room, each unable to put what they had just gone through out of their minds. Remus, for his part, was getting over the shock of being naked in front of a girl his own age for the first time in his life. He had never dated, nor had he ever had sex with anyone. It was a matter of principle, he supposed, more than anything else, but it was also a fear of rejection. He had thought a lot about it in earlier years, so he knew his problems. Rather than "physician, heal thyself," he mused bitterly, it was something like "philosopher, know thyself."

And now there he was, just sitting there after having been completely exposed in front of a girl—in everything but age, a woman—with whom he had enjoyed a certain amount of intimacy. So many thoughts ran through his head, foremost among these being _What is she thinking?_

It was she that first broke the silence.

"We should probably get back to the Hospital Wing before it gets any lighter out. Will you be okay if we go now?"

He nodded mutely, but as she took his arm and led him down the stairs and through the passageway, every ounce of him was screaming with either pain, embarrassment, or simply heightened awareness of the closeness of her body to his.

Whether the situation was a heaven or a hell, he couldn't be sure.


	7. Chapter 7

Sirius's POV

He liked the way the smoke from his cigarette rested on the slight breeze, like a cat curling up on the mantle of a fireplace. It was somehow befitting of the crispness in the air you got from that time of year. Moony would be impressed by the unexpected poetry in that, he mused, a grin stretching wickedly across his lips. Poor Moony. He heard an exasperated sigh behind him, which was how he knew James had finally ducked out of Potions to join him.

"Don't get all pissy," he said, flicking the butt of the cigarette to the floor and grinding it beneath his heel. His shoes needed a polish, he thought diffidently before turning to look at James and Peter.

"Alright, Pads, we have about five minutes to get somewhere untraceable in case Evans decides to see whether I actually took Peter to the Hospital Wing or not."

Sirius rolled his eyes. Evans, Evans, Evans.

"Gotcha. C'mon, there's a good place on the second floor."

"Have either of you gone to see Moony today?" Peter asked as they hurried through the halls. Sirius and James exchanged looks, but Sirius was the one who spoke.

"That's what we're going to talk about. I went this morning, and I'm pretty sure something's wrong."

"With Moony?!" Peter's voice was almost a squeal, and Sirius resisted the urge to rub his temples.

"Nah, Pete, I'm worried about Pomfrey. _Yes_ , with Moony!"

Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius caught the reproving look that James shot at him, but he didn't care. If Wormtail was going to be redundant, he figured he could be as harsh and insincere as he wanted to be. He could still feel James's eyes on his back, and he sighed before sending a tired smile at Peter, an apology implied. Peter shrugged as if to say that it didn't matter, though Sirius could very clearly read how much it mattered in Peter's eyes. A sharp pang of guilt shot through him suddenly. It wasn't comfortable, so Sirius ignored it.

"His scars were a mess. I don't know what's changed, but it seems much worse than normal. But more about that once we get…ah!" They stood in front of a tapestry, which, according to Dumbledore (who had once come up behind the four boys while they were busy staring at it), was entitled "The Dance of the Flobberworms." It was horrendous. However, it did hide a most useful secret hallway which was incredibly useful for almost everything the Marauders enjoyed doing—pranks, scheming, stalking Lily Evans. Although, to be fair, that last one had nothing to do with Sirius or Remus. It was typically James, accompanied by Peter. Sirius tapped his wand on the wall next to the tapestry and murmured, "Aperio."

The slight scrape of moving stone could be heard from behind the tapestry, and Sirius held it up as James and Peter scrambled into the opening provided. He was about to follow when suddenly he heard,

"Black? What are you doing?"

He whirled around, instinctively stepping in front of the passageway, and saw Evans walking towards him. He walked towards her in order to prevent her from nearing the tapestry.

"Nothing," he said, sending her one of his world-renowned smiles. She looked unimpressed.

"You're skipping Potions," she pointed out. His smile faltered.

"Er, no…I…have it with the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs."

He tried to feel nothing when her eyebrows shot up in surprise, but he couldn't stop the shame from welling up in his chest.

"I think you may actually be telling the truth," she said after a moment, sounding perhaps even more surprised by that fact than the fact that he didn't have Potions with the Gryffindor/Slytherin group. "How did that happen?"

"Oh, well…er…I thought some Ravenclaw bird was rather good-looking, so I asked Dumbledore if I could switch classes. I guess a player just has to help out his fellow player."

He couldn't help but genuinely laugh at Lily's magnificently overstated eye-roll.

"If I thought for a moment that that was true, I would honestly hex you right here and now."

"You wound me, Evans," he said nonchalantly, wondering how long this interaction was going to take. Lily folded her arms over her chest, looking mildly angry, and Sirius wondered what vitriol would be thrown his way today.

"Are you okay, Sirius?"

Sirius actually took a step back at that.

"Who are you and what have you done with Lilian Evans Potter?" he demanded. Lily gave a slight growl when he coupled her name with James's but seemed determined to not get flare up at him.

"I'm serious— _don't_ —" she warned as he opened his mouth with a smug smirk. He closed it. "You've been really uptight lately, and even though I don't particularly like you at your loosest, at least I'm used to it."

Sirius couldn't help but be aware of a vague feeling of surprise. He hadn't really thought of himself as being uptight—grumpy perhaps, but not exactly uptight. Not that he didn't have plenty of reason to be.

"Sorry to shake up your routine, Lils," he said, attempting a breezy attitude. But even to his ears it sounded sharp and harsh. She eyed him carefully before shrugging.

"Don't worry about it. I'll figure out what's bothering you. Tell Remus that once he gets out of the Hospital Wing, I need to discuss…uh…class…stuff…with him."

Sirius shrugged.

"Sure. Bet he'll be thrilled. Loves class, that bloke."

He didn't like the secret little smile Lily smiled after he said that.

"Yeah. Yeah, that's what I think, too," she said almost absentmindedly before walking past him, probably off to make some other confusing and irrelevant conversation with some other unlucky person.

Once she rounded the corner, Sirius ducked behind the tapestry and sealed the door off. James was staring at him with bug eyes, his left foot bouncing up and down with the enthusiasm of an anxious puppy.

" _What did she say?!_ " he whispered so loudly that Sirius flinched.

"She said to tell Remus that she wants to talk to him about class."

James looked devastated.

" _Anyway_ , back to what we originally came in here for," Sirius said quickly, hoping to divert the inevitable tears, "Moony."

It worked. James immediately perked up.

"Oh, yeah! What happened to Moons?"

"I went to see him this morning, and he was just…I don't know if I've ever seen him this bad. At least, not since we started helping out."

"Lots of scars?" Peter piped up, a worried tone in his voice. Sirius nodded earnestly.

"Loads. And deep, too. I thought the way he thrashed around last night seemed a little weird, but it really made a difference."

"It did look like he was trying to tear himself apart," Peter agreed solemnly. They were silent for a few moments before James said,

"Why the change now? Do we know of anything that's changed in Moony lately?"

Sirius shrugged. He hadn't really paid that much attention to Moony over the past few weeks. He wasn't sure if he ever would have noticed if the wounds hadn't been quite so bad this month.

"It has to be something to do with the wolf," Peter said suddenly. Both James and Sirius turned to look at him, inquiry written all over their faces.

"How do you figure that?"

"Well, Moony's told us before that the wolf doesn't understand the complex emotional or really human-oriented stuff, so it can't be mad at him about that, right?"

"So it's something really, like, primal. Nice reasoning, Wormy," James agreed, causing Peter to flush up bright red. Sirius nodded in agreement. It was a smart idea on Pete's part. He felt a slight rush of affection for the boy before continuing the logic with,

"Well, we saw him chew up those chickens we brought him, so it can't be hunger."

"And he had plenty of space to run up and down the stairs and stuff, so probably not a fear of confinement," Peter continued.

"And he had us to keep him company, so loneliness wasn't a problem," James finished, looking positively baffled. Sirius thought about it for a moment before a slow, mischievous grin spread across his face.

"Ah, no worries, lads—I've got this one. There's only one thing left it could be—lust. And that just so happens to be the one thing that I know how to solve."


	8. Chapter 8

Peter's POV

Peter wasn't ashamed of the rat. Sirius may always act like it was a pathetic creature, and James may look at him with sympathy—but Peter wasn't ashamed of it. He didn't want to sound too cocky, but he was the most useful out of the three animagi. Sure, James and Sirius could combat the wolf when it got too frisky, but Peter was the king of stealth and surveillance. He could slip into just about any space, through any hole, virtually unnoticed by anyone.

The Hospital Wing was really his domain at this point. Pomfrey had somehow got wind of the fact that the Marauders consistently visited Moony at night and had appropriately charmed the doors to make sure that no one was able to enter through the door from the outside without someone from the inside letting them in. Well, there was a lovely little chipped out chunk of the wall, just large enough for Peter to squeeze through, which always allowed him access to the room. Once Peter would open the door for the other two, Sirius usually sauntered right past him, pretending that it was no big deal that Peter was the only one who could let him in, but James always had a grateful smile and validating word for Peter. Moony never said a word, but there was a certain way that he looked at Peter on those nights that said more than any words could.

This was the first time, however, that Peter had used his advantage to spy on any of the marauders.

"Mr. Lupin, will you please stay still for even two moments?" he heard Madam Pomfrey growl from his place under Remus's bed. Remus's reply was so faint that he could only just make it out.

"Sorry—pain." Peter could practically hear and feel the gritting of Moony's teeth.

"Hey, Remus?" This was a new voice, one that Peter thought that he may have heard before but which he couldn't quite place. He heard Moony's sharp intake of breath and wondered whether it was from the pain or something else. "I'm just going to talk to you while she goes over the wounds, okay?"

Remus didn't say anything, but he must have nodded because the voice continued,

"I went to Herbology this morning after I brought you up here, and it was a joint class with Gryffindor. Do you want to hear about what James and Sirius did?"

Peter couldn't help but notice that his own name was left out of this narrative, but he tried to ignore the pang of jealousy. He noticed a slight pressure being added to the bedsprings above him, and he assumed that the other person had sat down next to Remus on the bed.

"They were joking around, Sirius was trying to tell Lily something that James didn't want her to hear—I'm not sure exactly what, but I did hear the phrase "snuggle bunny" a couple times—and James, while basically tackling Sirius, accidentally knocked over a huge pot that we all had thought was empty."

Peter heard Remus's shaky laugh, and he felt himself laughing as well, little squeaks coming out as he did so. It had truly been an amusing Herbology class. That pot had not been empty whatsoever. It had actually been full of giant, slimy, disgusting worms with surprisingly sharp teeth. These worms quickly ended up being tossed across the classroom at the Hufflepuffs, who for the most part shrieked and ran away. To be fair, Peter considered, still giggling to himself about their expressions, he probably would have done the same. There was one Hufflepuff who, with a wave of her wand, set some kind of forcefield around herself and began to do the same for the plants on the Hufflepuff side, but then, Peter thought grudgingly, that's exactly what a Hufflepuff _would_ do if they didn't run away screaming.

"Did you hear something squeaking?" Madam Pomfrey suddenly demanded, her tone sharp as a blade. Everything became still, and Peter tried not to make a sound. He backed further under the bed, trying to keep as quiet as possible, but—

 _SQUEEEE!_ He yelped out as he came into contact with something that felt very much like a shoe. Following his rodent instincts, he took off like a shot. He heard screams and shrieks from everyone in the hospital wing, but he just kept running. He had just made it to the usual crack in the wall when-

He found himself unable to move, suddenly suspended in air, as if…as if…

Had he been in human form, his face would have drained of color. Pomfrey had him in a full body bind.

"Oh my Merlin," he heard the voice who had been talking to Remus shudder as Peter slowly drifted back to where Madam Pomfrey was standing next to Remus's bed. "Oh my _Merlin_!"

It was obvious that someone was a little scared of rats.

"Well, well," Madam Pomfrey sniffed, leaning in close to Peter and staring into his beady little eyes. "What shall we do with you?"

Peter felt himself going faint with fear and anguish when suddenly he heard,

"Er…Madam Pomfrey?" It was Remus, looking both annoyed and sheepish at the same time. "That's my rat."

"Your rat, Mr. Lupin?" Madam Pomfrey questioned faintly.

The girl sitting next to Remus edged away from him, and Peter saw a deep flush of frustration and embarrassment crawl up Remus's neck.

"Yes, he's mine. He always manages to escape his cage and come find me even though he _knows he shouldn't be here_."

Peter knew that last emphasis was for him and him alone.

"I'm sure if you can just contact James or Sirius, they'll take care of him. Until then, well," Remus's eyes narrowed, and Peter braced himself, "I'm sure he'll be just fine in a cage."

Peter tried to squeal out his distress, but the body-bind included his vocal chords as well.


End file.
